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confessions to my one-way crush boitoi [29 Dec 2005|04:23am]

with each passing day, i find it harder and harder to sleep because you're always there, because i can't bring myself to take you out of my sight and out of my mind. not that i wanted to. to be honest, when you came and started overcoming my thoughts with your presence, i once again felt some spark somewhere within. it was a feeble spark, but nonetheless, it was enough to bring back some color to my life. that spark - you - created some little opening in my life that was already clearly headed to depression. a tiny opening that let in, a trickle at a time, some hope.

yes, i know there is no "us." the "us" i keep on thinking about everyday is nothing more than a figment of my overactive imagination. but, i hope you understand that the high i get just thinking about you is so god damn intense that it doesn't really matter anymore that its all in my head.

there need not be an "us." of course, if there is an "us," the better it would be, the happier i will get. all i have right now are thoughts of you and the little indulgences i get from wallowing in this very one-way love affair. but, i don't care. i don't care because, after so long, i don't feel empty anymore. because, after so long, i feel as if i again have someone to live for.

i know we hardly talk. i know we hardly interact, save for a few "hellos" when we meet at the stones or outside the lecture halls, or save for a few stolen glances that i managed to sneak past my usually inquisitive group of friends. there are no emotional foundations to speak of. but, to tell you the truth, just thinking about you all these times already makes me fall deeper and deeper for you.

and, the deeper i fall for you, the more scared i get. shivers crawl down my spine everytime i realize just how much i've become so attached to you.


because i don't know if i would have enough emotional reserves to let go when i need to let go. there is no real "us" to begin with. neither do i have the slightest idea what goes on inside your head and your beating heart. you could go as quickly as i fell for you.

but, more than anything, i am scared because i could already feel that i would be left with nothing more than memories of you, that i would be left with nothing more than painful thoughts of what could've been.

i love you.
8 off-color remarks  How dare you, sir?

Sharing time [31 Jan 2006|08:50pm]

An excerpt from the movie "When Harry met Sally":

Harry: You realise of course that we can never be friends.

Sally: Why not?

Harry: What I'm saying is... and this is not a come-on in any way, shape or form, is that men and women can't be friends because the sex part always gets in the way.

Sally: That's not true, I have a number of men friends and there is no sex involved.

Harry: No you don't.

Sally: Yes I do.

Harry: No you don't.

Sally: Yes I do.

Harry: You only think you do.

Sally: You're saying I'm having sex with these men without my knowledge?

Harry: No, what I'm saying is they all want to have sex with you.

Sally: They do not.

Harry: Do too.

Sally: They do not.

Harry: Do too.

Sally: How do you know?

Harry: Because no man can be friends with a woman he finds attractive, he always wants to have sex with her.

Sally: So you're saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive.

Harry: Nuh, you pretty much wanna nail 'em too.

Sally: What if they don't want to have sex with you?

Harry: Doesn't matter, because the sex thing is already out there so the friendship is ultimately doomed and that is the end of the story.

Sally: Well I guess we're not going to be friends then.

Harry: Guess not.

How dare you, sir?

Seriousness man. [09 Jan 2006|11:24am]

[ mood | determined ]

-The benign environment(compassionate cultures, medicine) the human thus created for himself no longer removes the harmful (deadly) mutations caused by evolution. Unlike our ancient environment, where the weak human (who had 'weak' genes) probably died.
-Our ancient environment then, served to remove those harmfl (deadly) mutations (and genes). In conclusion, without those ancient factors, the human will then degenerate- to the point of extinction. (THIS IS PROVABLE FACT!)

Homosexuality is one of those (degenerative) instincts.


Im new here. Hi to all. pls bear with the english, and with the technical stuff. SERIOUSNESS MAN.

6 off-color remarks  How dare you, sir?

[22 Oct 2005|03:43am]
There will be a forum on
Gay and Lesbian Sexual and Reproductive Rights
today, October 26, from 2PM-5PM
at the WHCF Conference Room, Ground Floor Crispina Bldg., Quezon Ave. (right after Shell)
hosted by the Reproductive Rights Resource Group-Philippines (3RG) and the Women's Health Care Foundation (WHCF)

If anyone wants to come, you may reach me at 0915-7841511 or you may call 924-0717/924-9494 and look for Chesca.
Come on. It's bound to be interesting.

1 off-color remark  How dare you, sir?

Statistically Speaking [07 Jul 2005|10:04pm]

After a long discussion about our long, colorful relationship histories, a psych major friend of mine told me this interesting tidbit: statistically, women are more likely to fall in love with their fuck buddies, and men are more likely to fall in love with their friends. The accepted explanation for this phenomenon is pretty controversial. Men in a fuck buddy relationship, she said, place less importance on the sexual act, and are almost incapable of seeing a fuck buddy as anything beyond a source of orgasm. Women in the same type of relationship, on the other hand, are wired in such a way that it's difficult to separate sex and intimacy. It's interesting because in a platonic friendship scenario, the roles get reversed. Men confuse the intimacy of friendship with sexual attraction, while women are almost incapable of seeing a friend as anything more than a friend.

Now I don't necessarily agree, but it's an interesting statistic. Thoughts, everyone?
13 off-color remarks  How dare you, sir?

Erata [09 May 2005|02:30am]
[ mood | curious. tanong lang. ]

Aminin mo.

Malalaman mo
ang pagkakaiba
Ng mga taong gusto ka
dahil lang dun,
mula sa mga taong trip ka para sa mas malalim pang mga rason.

Sige, sabihin na nating madali lang magpanggap
at magkunwari
at bigkasin ang mga katagang gusto mong marinig,
pero aminin mo na--

May mga bagay na hindi talaga kayang dayain, kahit anong subok mo pa.

Pakinggan, pakiramdaman--
at malalaman mo.

Alam mo ang pagkakaiba.

para masaya.

mo sa'kin
Sino siya sa dalawang yun

4 off-color remarks  How dare you, sir?

Out of Town, Out of Mind [10 Apr 2005|08:06pm]

The beach is a strange place. Somehow, we have convinced ourselves that the beach is a separate dimension where none of the normal rules apply. "What happens in Bora, stays in Bora," a friend of mine once told me, and I suddenly remembered how many times I've heard that before, with different beach-filled locations taking the place of the word "Bora" in the sentence. It would almost seem that once we touch the sand, we are given license to act in ways that we would never accept in the city. We find the most straight-laced people getting drunk and getting high, and sometimes the most chaste having their sexual awakening right there where the land meets the sea. And sometimes, the most faithful and trustworthy not being so faithful and trustworthy.

It's strange because the adage can never hold true: what happens on those beaches can't stay on those beaches. There are things we cannot leave behind; the memory of the first hit, the first shot, the first kiss cannot simply be left buried in the sand. And while the tide washes away most things, we still have to live with everything we've done. We are creatures of history, defined by our acts. We can deny everything we did, but we cannot deny that those experiences changed us somehow, just like every experience changes us somehow.

But it happens anyway. We go to the beach and a lot of us choose to simply let go. Out of town, out of mind, and for the most part, it works. And in some ways, it feels necessary. Perhaps the city, despite its baseness and overt sexuality, has repressed us to the point where we need to find release in those beaches. The city has left us with all these trappings: one way streets, U-turn schemes, power suits, neckties, curfews, traffic, work, money, and whatever else. Whatever freedom we have in the city is dwarfed by the freedom provided by the open sea and the general lack of clothing. And we drink. And we get high. And we have sex. Or worse. And somehow we have all agreed that there are no consequences. Maybe it's because we all accept that we all need it. We need places where the rules don't apply. Places where we don't have to be ourselves, or perhaps where we can be our true selves. Who's to say what happens out there on the beaches isn't the natural state of things?

We come back to the city with tans and souvenirs but nothing else. People will talk about the snorkeling or the jetskiing or the other tourist-type activities, but no one needs to talk about what happened on that drunken night when we let ourselves go. And even if we do, we expect to be forgiven. After all, what happens in (insert beach here) stays in (insert beach here), and the sand shares no secrets. The tide rolls in and all our sins are washed away.
30 off-color remarks  How dare you, sir?

[28 Mar 2005|10:54am]

I don’t believe in myths but I guess this is worth sharing.

Sanskrit MythologyCollapse )
3 off-color remarks  How dare you, sir?

Moderation! [27 Mar 2005|10:43am]

New layout everyone. Just trying to make it a classier place for everyone. Haha.

Check it out. Give your thoughts. Continue the active discussion of the y-chromosomed gender. Roar.


==>Phil, your friendly neighborhood Boy Bastos moderator.
2 off-color remarks  How dare you, sir?

Erpat (Usapang Lalaki 2) [25 Mar 2005|10:55pm]

[ mood | a little lighter ]

</p>Read first: Usapang Lalaki Part 1</p>

Conversation with Mum:

Mom: Ang hirap talaga kausap ng tatay mo.

Me: Onga eh, sinermonan ako nung isang gabi. Dahil hindi ako bumaba ng manila. Labo mehn.

Mom: Kahapon, nag-uusap kame tungkol sa menu, sa meal plan. Kahit yun pinag-iinitan ng ulo.

Me: Hayaan mo na, ganyan talaga yan.

Mom: Tinitiis ko na lang nga eh.

Uh oh. What's that supposed to mean?

Conversation with Gramps:

Lolo: Your dad, he's a little troubled eh? (With the yoda-ish voice pa)

Me: Yeah, he is. Ang init ng ulo lagi.

Lolo: You know why?

Me: Money problems?

Lolo: Well yes... and his sex life is miserable.


Lolo: He told me so himself. I even gave him viagra.

Explains a lot. :)

10 off-color remarks  How dare you, sir?

Usapang Lalaki [25 Mar 2005|01:03pm]

[ mood | parents will be parents. ]

I came home this morning, the usual, 3 A.M. As usual, my father opened the door for me, with a slight tinge of irritation. He then lit a cigarette and sat down on the living room.

Pa, pahingi akong yosi.

Kumuha ka diyan sa table.

I took a stick, lit it, and said, Sa Sunday na ako bababa. Sunday ng madaling araw, para ‘di sumabay sa traffic ng mga bababa sa Sunday ng hapon.

Tangina, plano ka naman ng plano, di nasusunod. Sige, eh di bumaba ka sa Sunday. Tingnan natin kung matuloy ka.

Now, I was stunned. Wasn’t he happy that I at least stayed as long as I could, here, at home, in Baguio? I stayed for my family. I stayed for him. Tangina.

Eh? Anong plano ng plano?

Sabi mo bababa ka ng Thursday? Natuloy ba? Hinde.


Sabi mo sasamahan mo Lolo mo sa Burnham bukas? Tangina, tingnan natin kung magising ka.


Plano ka na ng plano…

I interrupted…Pucha, eh di susundin ko. Bababa ako, Sunday 1 A.M. Sasamahan ko si Lolo sa Burnham sa Sabado. Ano?

Sige. He then killed his cigarette and proceeded upstairs to his bedroom. On his way, he passed by me, and stopped for a moment. I knew he smelt the alcohol from my clothes. He also smelt the hash, a scent so familiar to him when he was my age. And he had a strange look of remembering or regret. Maybe he thought and said to himself... Stupid little kid... just like me... hehehe...

Maybe, I dunno.

Matulog ka na. At sundin mo plano mo. He then walked upstairs, silent. As he walked I could see a tear fall from his face.

Goodnight Papa. And a tear fell from me as well.

I love you. I whispered. I doubt he heard it.

Then, the tears just kept on coming.

I love you.

6 off-color remarks  How dare you, sir?

A Valentines' Post [13 Feb 2005|11:46pm]

[ mood | tigang ]

In the spirit of the day of love, I feel that I must share a story. I must warn you, however, that this post is heavily laden with euphemisms, as I would not like to use the same term over and over again. And it goes...

So, I have this friend, and he’s been lonely for more or less a year. You know, he doesn’t have a girlfriend, and everything. There’s nothing wrong with him though, he’s just a normal single guy. So essentially, we come to the “problem” of sex. He’s 20 and in the prime of his sexual career.

The problem: I... I mean... HE hasn’t... ummm... masturbated for the longest time, like in six months or one year, maybe even more, It’s been so long that, I can’t even remember the last time that I... fuck it... I mean... HE had a date with Mariang Palad. `Coz usually you know, when you can’t get some lovin’ just go do some glovin’. I... damn it... I mean... HE still gets turned on by women and everything, watches porn every once in a while, so let’s just say my... shit... HIS “equipment” still works just fine. It’s just... well... idle.

Experts on the topic (i.e. the high school barkada) suggest that it is healthy to stroke the one-eyed snake at least once a day. The reason behind this recommendation is to keep your “soldiers” fresh and ready for battle. Why? In the unfortunate event that you impregnate your partner, you give them your best “stuff.” You know, like a future lawyer or a future doctor, or hell, even a future president. Well, that doesn’t apply to me... fuck... I mean... HIM, `coz HE ain’t getting any action.

On the other hand, there’s the Buddhist Tantric sex philosophy, where keeping it in is actually healthy. I hear Tantric sex is great, you get orgasms lasting for hours on end... without releasing any fluids at all. Of course, I learned about this from the infamous movie American Pie II, not exactly a credible source.

My friends... I mean... HIS friends... have noticed that I’ve been talking a lot about sex lately... kangkungan2001 and faithlessphil tell me... uhmm... I mean... the guy, ”tigang ka lang talaga pare”. Of course, they don't know about the situation. Is the little head down there taking over brain activity?

Poor guy. He’s on the brink of explosion... literally.

Happy Valentines to everyone... Happy fucking valentines. Happy fucking... with your hand or with somebody else... have fun tonight...

DISCLAIMER: This is not a call for attention. This is not a call for help. This is just a story to share. It's just a story. Para at least, kahit papaano, may nilalabas ako.

a little triviaCollapse )

18 off-color remarks  How dare you, sir?

[11 Feb 2005|07:52pm]

How does one going about handling a situation where you catch your 11 year-old kid brother surfing for porn?

I've caught him several times now, and of course he tries to cover it up. Me being the kuya that I am, I just pretend that I didn't see anything (for now).

I really don't know. Normally, I'd react with the "I CATCH YOU AGAIN AND I'LL FUCKING TEAR OUT YOUR BALLS AND FEED THEM TO THE DOG." scream. but then, that shit never did work on me so I started thinking of a better way. (er, not in that way. I meant when everyone tells me not to do something, I tend to do the opposite) I think my brother is turning into a rebel. bleh. of all the people he had to imitate, it HAD to be his fucked up older brother. jeez.

He listens to Simple Plan. what the fuck? Hell, and they suck. That's even worse.

I thought about trying the whole, "take him quietly aside then beat the shit out of him to teach him a lesson" but then I don't think that would work either.

Hmm, maybe i'll just sit down with him and have a nice little friendly chat from one man to another. ... but that's my Dad's job, not mine.

Maybe I should tell my Dad... but then, parental authority only tend to makes things worse.

Hahaha, maybe I should try the whole "you get anyone pregnant and I'll fucking kill you" bit, but I think he's a tad too young for that one.
12 off-color remarks  How dare you, sir?

A Three-Way Wager [11 Feb 2005|05:04am]

One quits meat.
The other quits smoking.
A third quits beer and wine.

The loser pays the 2 other guys php2500 each, and the wager lasts for two years. A test of wills rather than a run for each other's money. Usapang lalaki.

So kaliwanagan lost the bet today, as geek84 and I saw him smoking in the ctc pocket garden. Later that even, as we were sending geek84 off to Baguio, we first had a drink and I offered him a beer. He gladly accepted the bottle, thereafter proceeding to nurse it like a long lost friend. We all drank and got our fill. kaliwanagan was more than happy, dragging away at his Winston Lights like a starved man in a buffet. Needless to say, t'was a fun night, and everybody was singing their favorite songs, taking in their beloved vices, feeling an ounce lighter, heads swimming in each other's voices in broken unison to some drunken, nicotine-laced tune.

When I got home, tipsy and hungry, I went to the fridge and proceeded to look for fish and veggies, my staple. I saw a container of cold burger patties with steak sauce. There was also a container of steamed patola. I took the cold patties and ate a couple of them, savoring every cold, hard, curiously juicy and delightfully sinful bite.

Hunger aside, it only seemed proper.
16 off-color remarks  How dare you, sir?

Fuck buddy talk [04 Feb 2005|10:53am]

Can anything get more pathetic than this: falling in love(or something like it) with your fuck buddy? Yea i know for most of the the guys it's plain scary but if you were that someone falling in love what would you do? Continue screwing up or continue screwing up? :-D
13 off-color remarks  How dare you, sir?

what is it with the uniforms? [29 Jan 2005|01:00am]

[ mood | ijustshouted,"workitnurses!". ]

What is it with the whole girls-in-uniform fantasy?

Almost every guy I know has it bad for either: girls in nurse outfits, girls in high school uniforms, sailor suits, the naughty teacher or the lusty librarian?

Is it a fetish or something? What gives these girls the special fantasy attention?

36 off-color remarks  How dare you, sir?

Lame Emo Joke #1 [23 Jan 2005|02:15am]


Dedicated to kaliwanagan

Q: Why do "emo" boys fix / DIY their own stuff? (e.g. x_boyfriend using staple wire to fix his glasses.)

A: `Coz they're used to fixing their own broken hearts. :)

14 off-color remarks  How dare you, sir?

[21 Jan 2005|05:37pm]

Kunwari nagsuntukan si Jollibee at si Meyor Sonny B., sino mananalo?
9 off-color remarks  How dare you, sir?

Trivia 2 [04 Jan 2005|06:29pm]

Trivia 1 found here

Found this out from my cousin evilpm:

Lions can have sex 50 times a day but pigs have orgasms that last at least 30 minutes.

So, which would you rather be? A lion or a pig?
16 off-color remarks  How dare you, sir?

rehash. [02 Jan 2005|01:25am]

[ mood | pocky-deprived. ]

This is my first post here ... go laugh.

Do people tend to outgrow each other? To actually bump back their circles that once occupied our own?

No. Not always.

But there's this thing about people and change. To throw out something we've gotten used to in exchange for something we're not accustomed to.

This is where things go crazy. Some people whine and bitch about change, about life and shit, but this isn't about that. This is about biting the bullet and jumping onward. It's scary to think of the future of change, but that shows us dependency. It's okay to be dependent on a certain degree, but not to the point of neediness.

How we could live with ourselves after change is something all will have to find out for themselves; it pains me sometimes, with all these crazy fears trying to tear a piece.

Loss is a feeling closely associated with change. Dealing with this is something i can't explain for you. It's specific for each person and it's something hard to ignore. (unless you're heartless,)

Events lead me to believe that loss can be deserved sometimes, but whining and bitching about it doesn't change anything almost always. It's hard, (and it's been so hard,) just thinking about it, or the possibilities of it. People caught up within their own machinations will always have their own opinion of things. Of course they won't apply all the time; they can't explain things they have no idea of.

But if loss can be deserved, do we have to justify ourselves when we experience it? This also leads me to believe that denial is some sort of body function. We deny without even thinking. It must be a reflex or something. Hah.

Loss hurts. And then helplessness sets in, it takes a bite at the heart and the feeling sonorously dissipates within your being, a twinge follows, and you feel emotionally beat-up. It hurts because to lose something, or someone, means losing a part of our own person.

It doesn't feel good, but it helps the human condition. To help us learn and love. And maybe sometimes, even just for awhile, it might just be all we need.

I hope you read it with an open mind. The learning experience might've taught you I didn't know what i was talking about, but then, that's up to you. And no, I don't diss myself, even if no one is looking. And maybe I'll forget about this whole deal, stop me from pouring myself out again and grow up.

4 off-color remarks  How dare you, sir?

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