In the spirit of the day of love, I feel that I must share a story. I must warn you, however, that this post is heavily laden with euphemisms, as I would not like to use the same term over and over again. And it goes...
So, I have this friend, and he’s been lonely for more or less a year. You know, he doesn’t have a girlfriend, and everything. There’s nothing wrong with him though, he’s just a normal single guy. So essentially, we come to the “problem” of sex. He’s 20 and in the prime of his sexual career.
The problem: I... I mean... HE hasn’t... ummm... masturbated for the longest time, like in six months or one year, maybe even more, It’s been so long that, I can’t even remember the last time that I... fuck it... I mean... HE had a date with Mariang Palad. `Coz usually you know, when you can’t get some lovin’ just go do some glovin’. I... damn it... I mean... HE still gets turned on by women and everything, watches porn every once in a while, so let’s just say my... shit... HIS “equipment” still works just fine. It’s just... well... idle.
Experts on the topic (i.e. the high school barkada) suggest that it is healthy to stroke the one-eyed snake at least once a day. The reason behind this recommendation is to keep your “soldiers” fresh and ready for battle. Why? In the unfortunate event that you impregnate your partner, you give them your best “stuff.” You know, like a future lawyer or a future doctor, or hell, even a future president. Well, that doesn’t apply to me... fuck... I mean... HIM, `coz HE ain’t getting any action.
On the other hand, there’s the Buddhist Tantric sex philosophy, where keeping it in is actually healthy. I hear Tantric sex is great, you get orgasms lasting for hours on end... without releasing any fluids at all. Of course, I learned about this from the infamous movie American Pie II, not exactly a credible source.
My friends... I mean... HIS friends... have noticed that I’ve been talking a lot about sex lately... kangkungan2001 and faithlessphil tell me... uhmm... I mean... the guy, ”tigang ka lang talaga pare”. Of course, they don't know about the situation. Is the little head down there taking over brain activity?
Poor guy. He’s on the brink of explosion... literally.
Happy Valentines to everyone... Happy fucking valentines. Happy fucking... with your hand or with somebody else... have fun tonight...
DISCLAIMER: This is not a call for attention. This is not a call for help. This is just a story to share. It's just a story. Para at least, kahit papaano, may nilalabas ako.
( a little triviaCollapse )